The Bad Touch- Bloodhound Gang

As you might've gathered, music has always been a huge part of my life. My parents met when they went to a Depeche Mode concert together, so you could say it's kind of in my DNA. The adults who made me were constantly playing music around the house, in the car, and making me CDs when I was very small, and they would often play a song for me that I 'just needed to hear'. At the time I would find it a little annoying that I had to stop playing with my Barbies to listen to some song from a million years ago, but now I'm so grateful and most of my favorite artists are ones that my parents first introduced to me.

One of those songs I 'just had to hear' was "The Bad Touch" by Bloodhound Gang. If you've heard that song before, then you might be thinking 'why would someone play this for their children?' (and if you haven't heard it, give it a listen). I don't really know the answer, besides the fact that my parents just wanted to share things with us and tell us about the things that were amazing and memorable to them; this song was certainly memorable.

The first time I really remember hearing 'The Bad Touch' involved my brothers and me being called into the 'office' in the basement of our house (which mostly consisted of holiday decorations, stacks-upon-stacks of CDs, and a PC on a desk in the corner) to watch some music video. We gather around the desk chair where my dad was sitting with my mom watching each of our faces with great anticipation as my dad hit play on the Youtube video. What we then witnessed was a group of grown men wearing monkey suits while dancing around Paris, making not-so-subtle sexual innuendos. After the video was finished, we just all sat down there as a family and laughed for a little while at the sheer absurdity of the video we had just witnessed.

Since then, there has been many family sing alongs to this our family mini-van, the most memorable of which took place at the end of the second day of our approximately 1,000 mile drive to Kansas City, Kansas for the 2013 MLS Cup between Sporting KC and Real Salt Lake. You can gather, from the commute, which team we were rooting for. Back to the point, we had gotten Wendy's about an hour earlier in Iowa and I was just finishing the last of my Cherry Vanilla Diet Dr. Pepper when the song came on. It then led to my dad, my two brothers that went on the trip, and myself all singing along to The Bad Touch with the enthusiasm of a Christian belting out a hymn in church. I then proceeded to send my mother the following text message: 'Singing Bad Touch in the car with your dad. Totes the norm."

Now whenever I hear this song, I don't think of 'doing it doggy-style so we can both watch X-Files', I think of me asking my mom so innocently 'what's X-Files?' and her just laughing and me never getting the answer I so desperately craved. 'B-5 you sunk my battleship' makes me think about the many games of battleship I played with my brothers as kinds and the little handheld electronic battleship game my friend Alexis got me for my 12th birthday that I could never figure out how to work. No matter how dirty this song is (it is kind of inappropriate to play for your 8-year-old daughter if I'm being totally honest),  I think of all the good times I had while listening to it and how happy I was in each and every one of those moments.

Circa 1999

Why I decided to write this today was because my little brother, who is 10, said he was sad today and my first thought was to play him some music. I decided, initially, to play some My Chemical Romance because that's what makes me feel better, but I turned around and when I looked back he'd run away. So then I realized that 10-year-old boys wanted to laugh when they were sad, not wallow in self-pity like a teenage girl. My first ideas for funny music that I had on my phone was "Like a G6!" (it's such a serious party song), the High School Musical 2 album (I don't have 1 or 3 on my phone and he hates HSM), and Bloodhound Gang (their songs have always made me laugh or cringe). I then made a playlist of those songs on my phone and sang them at the top of my lungs as I swept the kitchen floor. Once "The Bad Touch" and I was belting each word as if I were performing for a stadium, sure enough when I turned around my little brother was standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face.

This song has made me very happy over the years. It made my little brother happy today. It made us all stop what we were doing to sing along to it in the car. It made my mom laugh at the text I sent her about it. It made us all take a little time to just be a family and share in one little, extremely inappropriate, family moment. "The Bad Touch" had made my life a little bit better and I'm very grateful for that.

Bloodhound Gang's Website
Watch "The Bad Touch" Music Video
Buy "The Bad Touch"